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Wicked funny

Browsing for info on the Mahabharata, I run into this terribly funny collection of "exam howlers". Surrealism + Joyce. Excerpts:

Some of the patients were plastered, & some were hanging from the ceiling.

Both his legs were cut off, & both his hands, & most of his brains were hanging through the side of his head; & he was lying on his bed -- crying.

These peace-loving animals start their life as small, furry balls, & they grow up and with any luck will find a mate, & have small, furry balls themselves.

My aunt has been unduly disturbed of late, having two small children through the utter carelessness of the local dustman.

The octopus wrapped his testicles round the diver & strangled him.

Sharks were infesting the area, & one of them was a non-swimmer.

As he walked through the room he heard the sound of heavy breeding.

(Phone-call to the Police): Please come at once: there has been an attempted sexual orgy, and five people are dead.

Clowns tie their trousers with string which, when it is pulled, shows a hair-raising scene.

I took out a book & settled down to read, but soon put it down because I couldn't read.

People were running all over the place, the boys in shorts & the girls in hysterics.

If he is not checked at the right age he will gradually develop into a vandal, & it will not be long before he is a magistrate.

Claude Lévi-Strauss at 100

'[...] I asked him whether he might be the author of the graffiti that I had seen etched in his 16th-arrondissement apartment building’s elevator on the way up. It read “Mort aux cons” (“Death to idiots”). Lévi-Strauss grinned at my joke, but did not deny it.'